Here come the holidays where every DJ with a modicum of talent (and even those without any!) is booked out the ying-yang. So far this season I've had 3 corporate party planners call me for their annual Christmas parties and all 3 told me the DJ they had last year "sucked".

The exact nature of their DJ's "sucks"?

SUCK #1 - Kept playing music to which no one was dancing
It's certainly possible - and even likely - that guests can have a good time without dancing. You can look around the room and see lively conversation, feet tapping, bodies swaying. And for those corporate parties where spouses aren't invited? If the girls don't get drunk enough on the 2 lonely drink tickets HR in their liability-limiting wisdom has given them, it's possible that no one will dance!

I've always believed that people want to be entertained, but entertainment isn't always about dancing. So when I mentioned that my company does a series of "ice breaking, fun making" interactive games during and after dinner, their ears perked up. Two of the party planners told me their DJ's also sucked because "all he did was play music." One added, "No wonder he was so cheap."

SUCK #2 - Didn't say a word all night
A DJ without personality gives the perception he's just there to push play. One of the planners confessed they "could have gotten a transistor radio" and still danced their asses off thanks to the boss leaving early and the HR gal with a loose spool of drink tickets. But first you have to get in the door. And music-oriented benefits like playing to the crowd and having a huge library are no longer special enough to make a competitive difference. (Thanks, Limewire!)

If that isn't enough, even the benefit of twenty years of experience seems to be a devalued value statement according to this Seattle Craigslist advertiser:

Halloween DJ Special $200.00 (all of washington)
Reply to: serv-457745795@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-10-23, 5:00PM PDT

Are you needing an affordable Disc Jockey for your event or wedding reception? Give us a call! We are an experienced and friendly DJ service of over 20 years of providing the best music entertainment for you! We have a huge library of music to fit your needs, if we don't have it, then we will get it.

Whether it be a for a Company Party, Birthday Celebration, BBQ Gathering, Anniversary or a Wedding Reception, we will be there! We are very flexible to meet your demands and needs for a memorable time! We won't even charge you extra for an LIGHTS or even MUSIC for your CEREMONY, it's all included!

Visit us on the web at www.extrememm.com or email us at extremedj@xxxxxxx.net for more information and bookings.

Call now and make your reservations early! EXTREME MOBILE MUSIC 425-999-9999.

Dude, I know 200 bucks is 200 bucks, but are you going to tell me that after over twenty years of spinning tunes you're willing to travel statewide (at $3+ a gallon) to work 5 hours of music and lighting for $40 an hour? On one of the quintessential party dates of the year?

OK, maybe the guy should get a pass because he might be single guy and just wants to go to a Halloween party. Any money is a bonus.

SUCK #3 - Wouldn't play requests
Clubheads will go out of their way to hear their favorite "name" DJ's spin. The DJ's made their name by developing their own sound, style, tricks and beats. I admire the DJ's who can do that. But most people hire mobile DJ's to play "I WIll Survive". And to play it all from beginning to end without any tricky mixing halfway through! So when a mobile DJ cops an attitude like, "I know what's good and if you're not dancing to this it's your own stupid fault!" I have to shake my head.

I've done a slew of events for xbox US Marketing (Microsoft is right down the road) but for one Christmas party a couple of years ago, my contact got outvoted by the rest of the committee who flew in some DJ from Los Angeles. Let's see, that's airfare for him and his gear, overnight hotel, plus his talent fee. His 2 turntables and a microphone ended up costing over five grand.

Nope, nobody danced. Nope, he didn't play any requests. He spun house all night (to the glee of one of the gals on the committee) and most everyone left early. Or was it when the gleeful committee gal fell backwards into a table. Don't know for sure, I only heard about it later.

What doesn't suck?
Day AFTER Halloween candy. 50 off makes it that much sweeter. Hope they have some Reeses Peanut Butter Pumpkins left!

Have a suckless Halloween. (Disregard if you're a vampire.)